When I was a newbie plant mom, the task that I least like to do is pruning.
“Pruning, in horticulture, the removal or reduction of parts of a plant, tree, or vine that are not requisite to growth or production, are no longer visually pleasing, or are injurious to the health or development of the plant” https://www.britannica.com/topic/pruning
I initially find pruning uncomfortable, even disheartening because I felt that anything attached to the plant, regardless of what it does or does not do, is still a part of it and suppose to stay there unless it detaches itself. But while putting it off, I saw that my plant was not blooming, it was not looking very healthy. When I did, the plant was brought back to its glory, even giving me beautiful flowers and baby leaves as a way of thanking me for doing what was necessary all along.
Later, I realized that my discomfort on pruning is a reflection of myself. I had been so afraid of “pruning” relationships and habits that had been weighing me down for so long. First reason was familiarity. It used to work, so rather than making changes, I would rather endure it and pray that it will work again just like before. I kept on trying, I kept saying “yes”, even to the point of exhaustion. Another reason was, I was shy to refuse. I do not like the idea of someone accusing me of being the “bad person”, being “madamot“, “suplada“. I felt guilty.
What the pandemic thought me was to reassess my life, and ask myself who and what are important to me. It lead me into accepting that in order to take care of myself, I had to let go of those situations that are holding me back from my growth. Emphasis on the word “accepting”, because for the longest time, I kind of knew about this already but I seem to always have an excuse of not putting it into action. With acceptance comes change.
So just like my plants, I started pruning my life by identifying which of these habits and relationships are harmonious in this season of my life, and which are not. The habits are the easier ones to let go because the only one resisting is myself. Relationships are much trickier, but the one I had the most revelation. When I started saying “no” and setting boundaries, that is when I noticed how the dynamics had been all along. The moment I deny a request, I was able to unravel intentions. Seems that my “yes” was just the only thing holding it together. I no longer need to detach. It just happened naturally. Did it hurt me? A bit. Did it make me sad? A little. But the discomfort is a little price to pay for the peace I gained from doing it.
However, just like with plants, pruning does not necessarily mean throwing those I pruned in the compost. Instead, I identified where they belong now; some I harvest, some I propagated in the hopes that maybe they will grow again in a different pot and soil. Applying it with my life, I am thankful of the purposes that these habits and relationships served. I harvested in it all the lessons and memories. For those I re-defined, I learned to accept that while it will not be the way it used to be, I am at peace knowing that it is still a part of my life. Who knows, in the next season of my life, it will regrow.
One surprise blessing I got from this experience is that, just like in plants, there are seemingly dormant stems that grew and blossomed after the pruning process. These are the stems that I neglected because I was focused on the fuzzy ones. I rediscovered friendships that are there all along, patiently waiting to be given their chance to be cared for and nourished. I was also able to revive friendships that seemingly took a break during the previous seasons of our lives. It is great to reconnect and took off where we left like time has not passed, well except our ages hahaha.
Just like plants, we have to adapt to different seasons. Life is all about rediscovering and identifying what will make you grow and bloom. Do not be afraid to prune. In the process, you will get to know yourself more. There is strength in choosing peace over familiarity.