Life of a preemie parent has a lot of “ups” and “down” days. Yesterday I had my “down” then “up” day. It started in the morning when I was feeling down because all the babies that were with our son at Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) had gone home. Babies come and go but our son is still there, 3.5 months after. It’s a mixed feeling actually because I’m so happy for these babies and their parents that they finally get to be together but I’m sad for us because my son is still in NICU, waiting for the day when he will be with his family.

But something happened which made me realize that the only feeling that I should be dwelling on now is that of pure joy and gratitude. Yesterday, a baby boy was admitted to the NICU while I was there to visit our son. He’s 29-weeks old, 3weeks older than our son who was born 26 weeks into gestation. There was total panic inside the NICU as nurses and doctors rushed to attend to the baby boy. The baby does not look good upon birth with all his bruises in the body and lung weakness. He came out abruptly and thus no medicine has been given to the mom prior to giving birth to at least strengthen his lungs and other organs. Later in the afternoon, I asked for the condition of the baby and the nurse told me that the baby might not survive and will probably expire in a few hours. His chances for survival is very low.

I felt weak upon hearing those. I felt deeply sad for the baby for he will not be able to see his parents faces or even feel their warmth as they hold him. I felt sad for his parents because they will no longer see their son smile, laugh, walk and grow up. It was a very very sad feeling at the NICU yesterday.

After I said a short prayer for the baby boy, I went back to my sleeping son and stared at him. I realized how blessed we are to still have him 3.5 months after the ordeal he went thru. How blessed we are that we are now able to carry him, see him smile and hear him cry so loud wherein months ago we didn’t even know if he will survive another day! How blessed we  are that our son has won over all the possible complications of his prematurity; that he is now healthy compared to his condition months ago when we were worried about the development of several of his vital organs! The list goes on and on but only one thing remains, we are trully blessed because our son is alive! We have experienced God’s miracle first-hand thru our son. It does not matter how long he fought, what matters is how he survived it all!

Now, the feelings left are that only of immense joy and gratitude! I only have excitement and anticipation for the time that we will be abe to bring home our little miracle bundle of joy! It may not be sooner than I expected but I do know that in God’s perfect time he will be with us at home soon!