This was the question that evaded my thoughts when hubby and I decided that it is time to reward our son with a sibling. I do not know if other moms also go through the same fear. But for some reason, I did not get excited with the idea of having a new baby at home. I’m so in-love with my firstborn, Heinel, that I worry that the new baby will take my time away from him. I am enjoying his age wherein I can already converse with him and play with him. I was also worried that I will not be able to love the baby the way that I love my firstborn. I mean, I only have one heart in it seems so full already with my husband and Heinel. I love the stability of our life now and a new baby will bring in new and foreign adjustments to us, especially to Heinel. With work taking my time 5 days in a week for about 10-11 hours (including travel time), I do not have much time for Heinel; how much more if there are two of them already? Apart from these thoughts, the reality of me getting pregnant again scares me because during my first pregnancy, I had quite a hard time and my body was having difficulty adjusting to hormonal changes. It was a series of conflicting emotions, one after the other. But one thing remained, I do now know if I have the heart and the strength to be a mom to two kids.
But when I got pregnant, all these fears begin to subside. As my baby grows inside me, so did my love for him grew. It is impossible not to love my own child so much even though I have not seen him. With all my worries occupying my mind then, I forgot how magical the feeling of being pregnant is until I went thru it again . But this time it is more amazing because I have an elder son who is so excited to see his brother. I guess, that is also the reason why pregnancy takes 9 months, to give moms and dads (and siblings too!) time to adjust and be prepared to the new addition to the family. Even if it was difficult, knowing and feeling the baby inside me makes every pain worth it. As my pregnancy progresses, I know that things will change especially after I gave birth, but I welcome it wholeheartedly. We will adjust as a family and we will definitely make room for the newest member of it.
Now, my new baby is home with us. One thing I realized is that my heart has enough space for everybody. During my pregnancy, as my baby grows, so is a portion of my heart occupied by him too. The love I have for my firstborn will always be there and will always belong to him. My second son, also has my wholehearted love. Each of them gets 100% of love. And I believe that is how a parents’ heart is; it will never run out of space no matter how many children there are. Each of them is precious and special no matter if they are the first, second, or even the last child. The heart may seems small but it its power to love is limitless and endless.