With our Baby Hendrix in the Neonatal ICU, the past three weeks had been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days are up, some are down. There are several instances when we celebrate over some developments then just a few hours later cry over negative updates from his doctor. As a result, despite receiving some good news, I would find myself crying and worrying if it will be followed by disappointing news as well.
Last weekend was definitely one of those days. The Doctor reported a major setback. At that point, additional medicines or procedures were not advisable. The only thing to do is to observe and wait if Hendrix can fight it out.
For someone like me who is used to taking control of things, it is difficult to just wait. I plan everything. And when things do not go my way, I get really upset. And with Hendrix, I already expected a miracle, because of all the prayers we’ve been receiving from family, relatives, friends, relatives, prayer groups, even from people we do not know. I expected his Doctor to tell me “We do not know how it happened, but your son is perfectly healthy!” But it did not happen and I was disappointed. Very disappointed.
In the middle of these emotions, I read the bible to find some comfort. And the verses I read in both books of Matthew and Mark, tell how people’s faith in God allowed them to be healed by Jesus.
Matthew 9:27 Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”; and their sight was restored.
Mark 10:52 “Go” said Jesus. “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.
Reading these verses was the enlightenment that I needed. It made me realize that even thru prayers I was still trying to take control of things. I want things exactly my way; that I refuse “No” as answer. Reading these verses opened up my eyes and heart. I need to have faith and faith means total surrender. I have to believe that God will heal my son; and that God knows what is best for my son.
After reading the bible, I meditated and prayed. And when I opened my eyes, I felt relieved. I felt like a heavy weight has been taken from my shoulders. I have faith. I believe. I surrender.
Hendrix’s condition is improving as days go by. It is not perfect yet, but having that renewed faith allowed me to be thankful and be happy for the good news, and take calmly any problems that come our way. We are taking it one day at a time.
And if you’re wondering about the major setback I mentioned above, yes, Hendrix was able to fight it out. Thank God! A blessed easter to everyone!